Must Be This Big To Ride
WORDS BY EVANGELIA KARAGEORGOS.
People are inherently curious creatures, fascinated by the unfamiliar and this is never more noticeable than when you are a person with any difference like a clear physical disability.
Dating, relationships and having a sex life when you are a person with a disability always comes with questions, mostly questions from curious strangers who are not actually in line for a relationship or having sex with you. This was something I learned quickly as soon as I entered the dating world, and it became more brazen when it came to online dating.
I imagine that what follows might give some insight to questions unasked or unanswered by others in my place.
I am a person of short stature; I am bisexual and non-monogamous. Most of my dating, relationship and sex life experience has been with the average heighted male. I used to regularly attend kink events, I have kissed and dated girls and dated Polyamorous guys. I have never dated another person of short stature, honestly, there aren’t many around and I have never been attracted to them anyway. I have mostly met the men I have been with in person, out at clubs, events, and gigs or through friends.
Early on when I first started going out it was clear I was different when it came to getting attention. Men have either avoided me or only given me attention so they can get close to my friends. I had a lot of male friends, I am outspoken, blunt, and loud and men like this but only in a mate’s way.
One night a female stranger approached me and declared that her nephew was a person of short stature and she believed we would be perfect together. Yes, a stranger who didn’t know a thing about me decided because I was disabled and short that my perfect match was a disabled and short man. She was so passionate about this she brought it up with my friends all night and then got upset with me for not wanting to meet her nephew. Not really the attention anyone is looking for.
Online dating is a strange kind of special space when you have a clear difference and in general. The safety of anonymity brings out people’s arrogance, saying things on screen that they would never say to someone’s face. I have always been direct and honest on my profile; pictures are deceiving so I state my height (3 foot 11) clearly. As such the awkward question about size is a staple opening line to my online dating experience. “What is the biggest you have taken?” A disturbingly frequent question, one that has me asking so many other questions. How would I know this? I don’t measure every cock I go near; I don’t hide a measuring tape
up my sleeve or under my pillow. Or am I meant to be asking each sexual partner for these measurements? Do these guys who are curious about size like to announce how big they are to every girl they sleep with?
Then there was that one special time when this question came up in person. Asked to both myself and the gentleman I was having sex with at the time by one of his friends. ‘How does it work? We all know … is a good 13 inches and I’m a good 11 inches, do you see it, like pocking through her stomach?” Disturbingly unfamiliar with human anatomy, makes you wonder about how this man satisfies a woman.
So, what is my answer? A person’s height has nothing to do with the size they can take, everyone is different, some girls are deeper, some are not. But me, well I am like the Tardis, I may be small on the outside, but I have lots of room on the inside.
Then we have those who get a little bit hot under the collar and hard for the short girls. Now, there is nothing wrong with a fetish and nothing wrong with fetishizing an adult; if it’s safe and consensual - it’s all good. I cannot deny that my height is a fetish for some, and I would play on that at the kink clubs, and why not? The attention and the flirting was fun.
But just don’t go around announcing it, especially if you don’t know me. It’s not a cool pick-up line, it’s just creepy and it won’t get you anywhere. I love dreadlocks, and will flirt with a guy or girl with dreads every time, but I don’t attempt to pick them up by announcing their dreads get me all hot and bothered (though to think about it, some guys might actually like that).
Like in any relationship there are conversation about sexual positions, though again you do get your fascinated and curious guys who are just ‘asking out of interest’ after they have announced their size. Those guys who I am never going to sleep with. As a person of short stature this discussion comes up because there are things I cannot do and other things that require a more delicate approach.
Wanna cowgirl? Well, that’s not likely to work all that great. I have short legs, dodgy hips and knees and can’t bounce like the average girl, though it can still be fun with a little extra cooperation.
69 your thing? Well, having a short torso can make this a bit of a reach but honestly, it’s a distracting position anyway. You can’t expect a girl to concentrate on doing a good job when she’s distracted.
Blow jobs? Well, you’re in luck. I am just the right size. There’s no need for a pillow for my knees, I can just walk straight up and get straight to work. Finding the right height coffee table and doggy style is a winner every time.
Maybe I need to tattoo a tape measure on my forearm with the words ‘must be this big to ride.’
EDITORIAL NOTE: This article has been reuploaded and was originally published in 2022.